Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Kpop Year in Review: 2013

It's New Year's Eve, and that can only mean about 234 things. One of them is this: It's time to reflect on the year that was in kpop.

Soyeon Friend and I have come up with our top picks of the year in categories including Best New Group, Best Dance, and Most Guilty Pleasure song. So join us as we look back with Hyuna.

4Minute's "What's My Name?" did not make Best Song on either list.
It would have made Worst Song for me if we had included that category. 

But we didn't.

I'll go ahead and warn you now, Soyeon Friend and I have extremely similar tastes in kpop. There will be overlap. 

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Exo helped me realize how the Nazi's came to power

It's what we call, "not-so-subliminal-messaging".

I never thought I'd see anything like this in my own lifetime but here we are. Exo today became the first million seller in kpop in twelve years. How are so many people duped into listening to horrible music? Well, there's precedent for such mass mind-control.

The Best of the Worst: Dec. 19 and 26

Hey everybody! Long time no anything.

You might be wondering what excuse I'm going to use this time for missing Best of the Worst and generally being terrible. Well I have none. Just a deep sense of shame. ;___;

Anywho, in this entry, we have a little-known group trying to stand out, a former idol admitting she never could sing (I hear ya, sister), and the annual world's best faces list.

Oh, and then there's this little bitch.

Lee Jong Suk, you little bitch

Thursday, December 12, 2013

The Best of the Worst: Dec. 12

This week's entry is out of this world! Literally. We've got an idol going into space. 

Nah, it's not one of these lovely ladies. Their pink rocket proved too dangerous for deep-space exploration.

Don't worry, though. We also have ridiculous scandals, unimportant bits of news, and an idol eating a pastry. So if you don't want to hear any interesting news, we've got you covered, too.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

The Best of the Worst: Nov. 28 and Dec. 5

I've returned, friends, from two weeks of nothing. Sorry for the unannounced break for no reason. Ugh, I'm the worst. I'm making myself listen to all the sub-par kpop Christmas songs released in the past week right now as a form of self-flagellation.

United Cube "Christmas Song"
Painful, but not painful enough

Exo "Miracles in December" (Kor. version)
Almost appropriate punishment

Exo "Miracles in December" (Chi. version)
I deserve this for what I've done.

Anyway, for this installment of Best of the Worst, we have a couple bad photos, another honor for a bad song, and an idol who just won't give up.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

The Best of the Worst: Nov. 21

Welcome back, friends! This week, we have a grab bag of crappy idol news. There's an unwanted MAMA attendee, an even more unwanted celebrity comparison, and a really bad haircut.

It doesn't matter who this is: The mushroom cut is a universally bad look.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Friday, November 15, 2013

If you need me ...

... I'll be staring at Troublemaker's Christmas CeCi pictorial while listening to this:

The absolute worst

This post isn't going to be long. I'm not in the mood for lengthy reviews, and really, reviewing three songs in one post is a bit much. To sum up the situation, at 12:58 a.m. this evening, I was relaxing at home after a long, rather shitty day. I had decided to listen to some new music in the hopes of finding my next favorite song. I checked out AlphaBAT's debut "AB City" (out of sheer "can't-not-look-at-the-train-wreck" curiosity), G-Dragon's "Who You?" and T.O.P.'s "Doom Dada." Instead of finding a new favorite kpop song, I found myself uttering:

"How is that AlphaBAT song the best thing I've heard in the past 5 minutes?"

OH, AlphaBAT, like alphabet. I get it ...
... that's the worst fucking name I've ever heard.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

The Best of the Worst: Nov. 14

It has been a terrible week for kpop idols.

OK, so that's probably the grossest understatement since someone said, "My, those Exo fans are an impassioned bunch," but really. Ailee aside*, idols have been getting shit on all week. Eunhyuk's and Sungmin's social media got hacked, someone revealed Hyosung's school records, posts have been popping up regarding Minzy's recent nose job, and T.O.P. looked like this in his solo teaser:

Yo, fuck this week.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

The Best of the Worst: Nov. 7

Ugh, this week was the worst. In Best of the Worst Land, that is. In reality, it was mostly alright.

The non-comeback stories this week were so boring, I can't even. Here goes, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Seo-bot wel-come rea-ders.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

"I Got A Boy" wins Video of the Year at YouTube Awards

YouTube hosted its first awards show tonight. I've only seen a few minutes of the live stream, but it seemed pretty weird. Or cheap. Yeah, I think that's the word I wanted.

The most interesting thing to come out of the show was Girls' Generation's "I Got A Boy" winning the Video of the Year award.

It surprised many, I believe.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

The Best of the Worst: Oct. 31

It's Halloween, so here's a batch of frighteningly bad kpop news to celebrate. This week's offerings are as scary as a Hara solo album.

OK, maybe they're not really that scary. But we do have idols dressed up in costumes.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Does it make me gay if I'm constantly fapping to EXO (i'm a guy!) I mean I like their music and everything but I also fanboy all over them except instead of fanboying i wish it was my jizz

It'd be cool if this was a troll but I'm not sure if your average AKP user is that intelligent.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with liking a male group or singer nor is there anything wrong with being gay. Hell, one of my favorite groups is/was Simon D/ Supreme Team but there's that fine where it goes from simply enjoying the music to wanting to stick your dick in someone's boypussy. Sometimes it can be difficult to spot that line, other times well it's pretty fucking blatant.

Something's amiss.
I mean this guy is completely normal... Just a normal guy doing normal things...

As opposed to?
Well luckily for this poster AKP is the perfect place to seek help with your conflicted feelings, full of well grounded people.

I use this same rational when discussing politics.
I just hope this guy can come to grips with his latent homosexuality before it's too late.

Trouble Maker's "Now" comeback stage disappointed me

I watched the first live performance of Trouble Maker's "There Is No Tomorrow (Now)," and it totally bummed me out.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

The Best of the Worst: Oct. 24

This week, someone said something every kpop fan thinks about: which idols they want to sleep with.

She just wants the Cock B.

Apparently, it didn't go over well.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Clara wants to play a "stupid asshole character"

There's a long history of butts and first pitches.

Everyone's favorite person who was shamed off the internet for saying shit that don't make sense made news today for saying shit that makes perfect sense.

AKP summed up the story by saying she wanted to play a dumb, ditzy type character. 
"So far, I did variety programs and dramas, but now I want to try movies . . . I want to try the role of a slightly air headed ditz.  I want to do a role that will entertain people."
I'm pretty sure she's already provided more entertainment without actually trying than she ever purposefully could.

Could that be why she quit "writing to focus more on acting?"

Here's a freebie, send checks to my agent.

Review: IU "Modern Times"

IU takes it back.

Way back

Monday, October 14, 2013

Songs South Korea made me like

Oftentimes, listening to certain songs in a happy setting makes me like them even when I hadn't liked them earlier. A particularly fun night drinking with friends (and pretend club dancing) made me like Carly Rae's "Call Me Maybe" and Train's "Drive By." Driving back from my grandma's with my mom made me appreciate the song "Somethin' 'Bout A Truck."

Hanging out in Seoul* made me like a few songs. 

Listening to this by myself on the couch just didn't have the same effect.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Suzy really is everywhere

After 24 hours of travel, we made it to Seoul.

Before we got here, we said it'd be impossible for us to go through the trip without seeing an advertisement featuring Suzy. Turns out, we couldn't even get through customs.

Now, before you can enter our country,
you must pledge allegiance to Suzy.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

One year later

The Fany Pack turns 1 today, and I just wanted to thank you all for reading! It means a lot.

Let's all take a page from Tiffany's book and eat cake.

Friday, October 4, 2013

Nothing lasts forever: Nicole is leaving Kara

DSP announced today that Kara's Nicole is not renewing her contract, which expires in January.

But I had grown accustomed to your face(s).

Cheerz: AOA Black "MOYA"

Soyeon Friend said he was sad Cheerz died, so I've revived it (again). Much like the undead, nothing but a blow to the head will kill this feature.

He told me to make it a really good one, as this comes out a few days before the blog's one-year anniversary, but frankly, I couldn't think of anything that was super great. However, I have had a song in my head for a good part of the past week. So let's all Cheerz AOA Black's "MOYA.

Let's also Cheerz Cheerz. I think that puts us up to like 3 Cheerzes now.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

The Best of the Worst: Oct. 3

This week was all about friendship, with idols showing their strong bonds with each other.

You've got a friend in kpop. Good thing, too, as it's your only one.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Best of the Worst: Sept. 26

Welcome, back, everyone! Can you believe it's already been a week? I can.

Moving on.

This week, we bring you The Best of the Worst: Who's Doing Who Edition.

For couple one, we have T-ara's Soyeon and Oh Jong Hyuk, who were confirmed to have been dating for the past three years. Coincidentally, the news came out the same day as T-ara's new teaser vid.

Funny how that worked out

Couple two involves the significant age gap that's all the rage in kpop these days. Twenty-year-old Sulli was seen holding hands with 33-year-old Choiza of Dynamic Duo.

And actor/model Kim Woo Bin was revealed to be in a relationship with model Yoo Ji Ahn.

In other baby-making news, Sunye shows off her baby bump at a wedding.

Watch out, Soyeon. This could be you next.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

The Best of the Worst: Sept. 19

Hello, friends! This week's edition of The Best of the Worst is heaping with crap. You can always tell when there's a lull in good kpop comebacks. You get news like this:

Which Hollywood star looks like Noh Hong Chul?

Spoiler: No one

Sunday, September 15, 2013

I finally gave in: SHINee "Replay (Noona Is So Pretty)"

It's been awhile since I made my last "I finally gave in" post, and by awhile, I mean almost a year. What can I say? I've been busy.

For those of you who don't know what the "I finally gave in" feature is about or for those of you who have forgotten since it's been so long, it's where I discuss a song it took me awhile to like. Basically, it's me yakking about something everyone else has long since forgotten, while I act like I'm the first person to ever realize its merits.

I'm insufferable, really. Just like Key's eyebrows. 

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Friday the 13th is, in fact, a day of evil

A scary thing happened today. Coming home from work tonight, I was greeted by Soyeon Friend who was about 2 sheets to the wind. After the usual greetings and five pieces of Papa John's hate-filled pizza, Soyeon Friend turned to me and said:

"This might make me a bad person, but I could really go for 'I Got A Boy.'"

Thursday, September 12, 2013

The Best of the Worst: Sept. 12

    Another week, another steaming pile of kpop non-news. This week, we've got a couple pretty men, a nice bitch face, and a celeb taking the subway. As you can tell, it was a thrilling seven days, full of important news.

    Guess who. Don't care? Neither do I.

    Thursday, September 5, 2013

    The Best of the Worst: Sept. 5

    An incomprehensible thing happened this week. Remember Piggy Dolls? They were that group that debuted awhile back with the gimmick of being a lot bigger than other kpop girl groups.

    Oh hey, they're a lot bigger than other kpop girl groups.

    Then they came back later, much lighter.

    Well, guess what, everyone: They're back again!

    That's cool. Wait ... something's different about you, Piggy Dolls ...

    Oh yeah, and they're coming back as three completely different, skinny girls.

    If we look at this mathematically:

    Gimmick group - gimmick - all original members = A DIFFERENT FUCKING GROUP

    Wednesday, September 4, 2013

    I Spy: A Bunch of Shit That Doesn't Make Sense 5

    I checked out Ladies' Code's "Pretty Pretty." It's been awhile since a kpop video left me thinking "What the fuck did I just watch?" (well, at least since I watched their last video). What does this mean?

    It's time to play "I Spy: A Bunch of Shit That Doesn't Make Sense."

     Zomg, FINALLY!

    UPDATED: The thrilling conclusion to the new favorite song search

    The good news is I finally got "NoNoNo" out of my head. The bad news is I didn't find "That Song" to become my new favorite. If anything, I regressed a little, spending most of my shift at work this evening with T-ara N4's "Countryside Life" in my head. :[

    I did find a musical friend in Kara's "Damaged Lady," which was the closest I got to new favorite song. Soyeon Friend and I dabbled in the dark arts* a little, too, listening to YUI a bit this weekend. But I guess I'll just have to keep looking for "That Song."

    I'm not really sure how to end this post, so just enjoy this photo of Sulli with a Jiyoung pillow.

    What Sulli really means to say is she loves you.

    * Read: Listened to jpop

    UPDATE: Less than an hour after I posted this, I checked out Ladies' Code's "Pretty Pretty," which then turned into an hour-and-a-half-straight Ladies' Code listen fest. If you know Ladies' Code, they only have like four songs, so it was a particularly shameful time. You can call me a liberal flip-flopper, call me a liar or just call me crazy, but I think I found my new favorite song. Really, I'm probably these three things anyway.

    Monday, September 2, 2013

    Friday, August 30, 2013

    In search of a new favorite song

    Here's the deal: I love A Pink. They have come out as one of me and Soyeon Friend's new favorite groups in kpop and are the group we listen to the most right now. Nothing comes without consequences, though, and I've found myself with a problem.

    "NoNoNo" has been playing on loop in my head for going on a week. It's beginning to drive me to madness.

    No more. Please no more.

    Thursday, August 29, 2013

    The Best of the Worst: Aug. 29

    I made sure to post this early this week, since I've been so flaky lately. No more will Yoona and Nichkhun grow old waiting for Best of the Worst.

    This week, kpop fans got to take a trip down memory lane with a few idols and their embarrassing past photos. This included Simon D and E-Sens, who took time out from the Epic Diss Track Derpfest of 2013 to poke fun at each other. And poor Ga-In also got an unwanted blast from the past on "Beatles Code 2" when her yearbook photo was flashed onscreen, causing her to shriek in horror.
    Ain't no ghouls here, fool.
    Don't be sad, Ga-In, we've all been there. And most people's younger-self photos are much worse.

    Saturday, August 24, 2013

    Almost fooled by Seungri

    Despite my better judgment, I found myself experiencing something akin to enjoyment while listening to Seungri's latest solo release, "Gotta Talk to U."

    It surprised me, too, since Seungri usually leaves an unpleasant taste in my mouth.

    And plenty of other women, I'm sure.

    Thursday, August 22, 2013

    The Best of the Worst: Aug. 15 and 22

    Here's the deal: I've been sick and lazy. That's why there haven't been any posts in a couple weeks, including last week's Best of the Worst. I did start compiling last week's Best of the Worst before the sickening, though, which is why this week's edition is overflowing with unimportant news.

    A lot of kpop news this week seemed to revolve around idols being bad influences. We've got a smoking hot idol, a group of pervs, and the identity of who started Hongki off on the road to nail art addiction.

    Falling in love with the wrong crowd.